Dating isn’t just difficult right now. It’s disillusioning. Conversations with women about dating don’t reflect excitement anymore, but exhaustion. Being unheard. Being under-considered. Being expected to tolerate less while labeling it as love. Independence isn’t lonely; it’s protective. Maybe that’s why having a boyfriend isn’t embarrassing. Settling for one is.
This was echoed in Chanté Joseph’s Vogue article, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” Not as a rejection of relationships, but as a reflection of how many women are choosing self-respect over misalignment.
Men, Boys, and the Cost of Tolerance
There’s a clear difference between men and boys. Men who prioritize emotional maturity build futures with their partners. It’s about commitment beyond self. This is why dating a man feels different, more attractive, and fulfilling. Boys, on the other hand, focus more on their immediate desires, which can leave their partners feeling unseen. Too often, relationships get stuck in old roles where support feels one-sided, and partnership becomes an ideal rather than reality.
In today’s dating world, women have become the “men” in the relationship. Finding a man who truly steps into his role feels harder than ever. That’s why so many women end up feeling unfulfilled, carrying more weight than their partners. Personally, I want a man who matches my support and generosity, who spoils me without being asked, who buys me flowers just because. Respect and love shouldn’t require a request. They should be the foundation.
This shift has cost women their tolerance for unequal treatment. Having a boyfriend feels more embarrassing than ever when women are expected to lead emotionally while receiving the bare minimum in return. Many women would rather give to themselves than continue giving so much to a man who shows more respect for himself than his partner.
Unfortunately, countless women have begun to settle out of fear that they won’t find someone better. From my own observations, this frustration is often directed at boys for their lack of manly behavior. But in my opinion, responsibility doesn’t fall on men alone. It exists on both sides.
Settling is Your Worst Enemy
My opinion isn’t meant to shame women for settling, but to bring clarity to the fact that men aren’t fully responsible for this dynamic. Studies suggest many women settle for their partners and live a life of unfulfillment. A recent report from Plenty of Fish found that 36% of singles choose to stick around even when they feel the “ick,” that gut feeling something isn’t quite right. The more we settle, the more we enable behavior that doesn’t serve us.
Chanté reflects in her article that single life brings freedom. Women can move through the world without guilt, without explanation, without shrinking. More women need to understand that they do not need a man to feel whole. Society may suggest otherwise, but real happiness comes from alignment with who you are, not forcing yourself into a relationship that doesn’t honor you.
Dating has taught me many things, but the most important is this: I am love itself. I give love intentionally, generously, and with care. That kind of love is powerful, and it deserves protection. When you learn to direct that love inward, settling becomes impossible. Until we stop settling, this era of dating will continue to feel exhausting rather than fulfilling.
A New Era of Dating
We must begin a new era of dating rooted in self-respect and intention. We can no longer enable the same behavior and expect different outcomes. At some point, we have to stop searching for the ideal relationship and allow it to find us instead. Attraction isn’t built through chasing, but through alignment. There is nothing more powerful than a woman who knows she doesn’t need a man, but chooses one because he adds to her life.
A man who doesn’t add anything positive to your life is not someone you need to make room for. Letting go of the belief that you need a relationship can feel uncomfortable, even frightening, but it’s necessary. Not just for you, but for the women around you and the women who will come after us. Every time we choose ourselves, we raise the standard.
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